Traders Tale - Chapter 18 completed

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Mercenary
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Traders Tale - Chapter 18 completed

Post by Mercenary » Mon, 16. Dec 02, 09:42

Second part added below the ****

Merc.
8)

--------------------------
Chapter 18 - Stage One


Tereana watched the Roamer disappear behind the Mule as she looked out from the cockpit window. The pilot checked the systems and monitored the navigation data on the HUD. She felt a mix of emotions, eager anticipation of what they may discover, and a deep sense of uncertainty in the journey they had just embarked upon.

She hoped the first leg to reach the Jakjolok Asteroid Field would only last a few short hours. Out ahead of them were the Mercenary piloted Wolf ships and flanking either side were the Mambas. The second mule followed one kilometer behind.

Although in the briefing room the idea of a heavily armed convoy was appealing, she now felt the two mules were made all the more conspicuous and likely to attract attention, because of the fighter escort.

"Acknowledged new orders!" The pilot commented.

She looked towards the pilot.

He glanced across, "Change of plan, the convoy is to divide up! We will head into Family Whi then progress through Split space. The second mule will progress as previously planned."

Tereana nodded, it was almost as if her commanders had mirrored her own concerns. The pilot showed little signs of the same nervousness as she did. Turning around in the narrow entrance of the cockpit she returned to the rear cabin. Three more of the science team were seated, either chatting quietly or trying to get some rest in the close confines of the ship.

Time seemed to drag by whilst the sectors drifted past. Neither transport was challenged or scanned. In Hatikvah's Faith they could see the Split Python still stranded after the conflict. Repair ships moving as specs over the hull.

It was almost with a sense of relief when they made the final jump, still unchallenged, into Nopileo's Memorial. The sector map showed the usual freighter traffic and the occasional, recognized, pirate convoy. The group turned and headed out towards the asteroid field, this in itself would take some time. As the sector dropped behind them the pilots, scanned for any pursuit or unwelcome interest, then altered course to the last known location of the alien ship.

After an hour they reached the edge of the asteroid field and all ships stopped. Tereana moved forward to the cockpit to view progress.

"Just aligning the ship, miss." The pilot commented whilst turning the nose of the Mule to follow along the alien ships flight path.

Slowly the lead Mule moved forward, many of the asteroids appeared to be stationary whilst others slowly span on their axis. The size and shapes varied wildly from just a few meters of broken rock and ice, to giants over one hundred kilometers in length. Gravitational influences were weak with the occasional asteroid showing strong magnetic influences.

"Send out the signal!" Tereana ordered. This was the furthest in to an asteroid field she had ever been and reflected that it was understandable why people avoided them whenever possible. Here the possibility of being struck by a sizable chunk of rock was magnified many times over and shields, however strong, may not be enough to prevent severe damage.

The pilot tapped on the console in front of him. A short low energy pulse radiated in all directions quickly absorbed by the surroundings. They waited a moment, then moved forward another five hundred meters and repeated the signal.

Ten seconds past and then the short focused response.

"Did you get a fix? Tereana looked at the pilot.

"Fix confirmed. Target acquired!" The pilot responded and turned the ship towards a cracked and broken asteroid. A deep fissure running across its crater pitted surface.

The ship stopped one hundred meters from the asteroid and then due to restricted deployment space backed off to three hundred meters.

"Unless you have any objections, we'll deploy the cargo here!" The pilot commented.

Tereana glanced at the HUD and checked the position for nearby obstacles and small fast moving pieces of debris from asteroid collisions. The scan was clear.

"Go ahead and deploy." She instructed.

"First container released." Four construction robots attached to the sides moved the kit towards the designated position. Once settled the second kit was unloaded.

The outer panels of the first kit opened gracefully and revealed the stations power plant already assembled. Replication construction robots began to grow the structure of the research station, which when finished would be half the size of an Argon Mammoth.

The second Mule gently pulled along side the first and again began to deploy its three kits. These contained equipment for the inside of the station. Several hours passed and the major structural members were complete. Power conduits and cables were positioned in maintenance runs and sandwiched between levels. As the floors were being extruded a hard Plascerm top layer, cured by strong ultraviolet, was applied. The outer hull was nearly forty percent complete.

Before ten hours had passed the last of the outer hull panels was fixed into place. Inside the inner skins were still under construction. Many corridors and rooms were also nearly complete, and internal power came on line. The reactor was a modified TS engine, powering a single one hundred and twenty five megawatt shield and all other station power needs. Positional control thrusters were in the design of the station but these were for countering gravitational drift. Once complete the station had enough space to accommodate nearly a hundred scientists and their equipment.

Fifteen hours into the construction, the inner hulls were finished and the life support system switched on, to provide heat, atmosphere and pressure. When the systems had settled and been checked for leaks the two freighters docked. There was little margin for error as the station, being small, only just had enough space to accommodate the two Mules.

With the scientists on board accustoming themselves to the layout and with the last of the equipment and provisions unloaded, the two freighters gently exited the station, leaving a single lasertower in defense, and moved out of the asteroid field.

"Let's unpack then!" Jeron commented enthusiastically. Tereana had managed to talk to the Professor, prior to the journey in the Mules, and his keen sense of enthusiasm rubbed off. He saw this as potentially a once in a life time discovery that could help develop the scientific understanding of how the universe has evolved over time. Tereana did not mention the other, once in a lifetime, discovery of a Pobo Mol Space Rift. The Boron scientist and theorist Pobo Mol, whose theory of folded space, concluded that under the right theoretical gravitational conditions a hole could be opened between two points in space making it possible to travel between systems without the use of jumpdrives or gates. However the theory also proving that such rifts would be extremely rare and short lived due to the forces involved collapsing together.


Robot lifters were directed to the laboratory section, food hall area and the six occupied living quarters. All the while the construction robots were still connecting power to the uninhabited sections and completing the wall floor and ceiling coatings.

The group met up in the main science lab to plan the weeks of work and check the equipment was fully functioning.

"We have coms!" Leord confirmed, "Patching into the recovery unit on the hull of the alien ship!"

"Can we get visual?" Tereana asked curiously as she looked up at the main lab viewer.

"We have images of the door. The unit is sealed to the side of the ship and too close to give us a full view." Leord responded casually and glanced across.

"Lifter shell still in place, I doubt we can get it far enough back to get a good view." Walstom commented. " A close thermal scan for the hull door shows that the interior of the airlock is ten degrees below outer hull. Outer hull at minus one hundred and seventy degrees."

"Can we suit up and take a closer look?" Jeron asked with the usual hint of keenness.

"Have you done many space walks?" Tereana responded, she realized it was a daft question almost as soon as she asked due to the nature of the Professors work.

"More than I can remember!" Jeron smiled kindly.

"We should be okay to do that, suits have two hours oxygen supply! I think we should all go across before we open the outer door and see if there's anything worth investigating. Anything that we might not see on the scanners, structural cracks in the hull, potential engine damage and even just to look through the windows to determine what might be inside." Tereana commented. "However we go in pairs, two out there and four back here. Just in case."

"Who goes first?" Walstom asked. It was a pointed question, Tereana wondered if he was testing her authority.

"As much as I'd like to say me. You and Leord are our structural and power systems engineers so you go first. You'll then have longer to analyze your data as we'll need you to get the doors open." Tereana replied. "Then Coulo and Tolona so they can try to get some detailed bioscans. Finally myself and Professor Autland."

Everyone appeared to be happy with this. Tereana had been designated as in command of the mission, and although she had seniority within the command structure of the Roamer, she did not know how Leord and Walstom, from a military hierarchy, would react to her leadership. So far there was no apparent dissent, but she could not afford to make many mistakes.

As the two science officers from the Gallators Fate suited up, she ordered the two biologists to ensure the bioscanners and filters in the airlock were fully operational. Equipment lifters were carefully guided to the outer airlock. These held additional monitoring equipment, data loggers and heaters for the inner airlock door.

The two officers were scanned as they left the ship giving them a full biological profile as comparison for when they returned.

It took a few minutes for them to reach the shell of the lifter and gain access. The support struts that cradled the alien ship provided ideal locations for lighting and minicams. The two men made a half hour pass over the structure of the ship as they strategically placed the lights and cameras. Onboard the station the rest of the team looked on as a different monitor flickered into life with each camera.

"Looks like we have some windows near the nose of the ship. Plus several narrow portals on the sides over each wing." Leord announced, although this was always hard work he had no hint of tiredness in his voice.

"Engine looks intact! Thruster vents are unusual design, but don't look to have any visible damage!" Walstom called in a few minutes later.

Both men started to attach a web of sensors on the hull, each one spaced at two meter intervals. They had managed a quarter of the ship before they received the low oxygen recall warning.

Once back on the ship and the bioscans registered clear the second pair of scientists' left to try and complete the sensor coverage of the ship.

"Zoom in of camera five!" Jeron asked with a cautious curiosity. The computer closed in on the cockpit window. There was no obvious illumination penetrating the darkened shield. "I guess infrared won't help us?"

"It all going to be about the same temperature, minus two thirty degrees." Tereana answered.

"Pity." The professor only hinted at disappointment but not surprise.

"You'll have your chance for a closer look soon Professor!" She responded cheerfully.

"How long have they been gone?" Leord entered the room. He had taken some time to have a meal before returning to the main lab.

"Nearly an hour and a half. Over three quarters of the ship is now covered!" Walstom looked away from his monitoring station.

"How much information can we get with the sensors?" The Professor asked out of curiosity.

"Not quite everything!" Leord smiled, "We'll get a full breakdown on the geometry and construction of the ship, it's internal layout, power distribution, systems locations, any booby trap devices, engine design, reactor material, everything!" He paused whilst he took his seat. "Except what's on its memory disks, the computer language, and what power is required for any of the currently un-powered systems. Which unfortunately for us, is nearly all of them."

Time past swiftly, the Professor had his two hours in space and tried at close range to see if he could see into the ship. Eventually he managed to rig up a camera on one of the side portals and shield it from the lights reflecting on the darkened shield. Tactically he placed it near the main cockpit looking into and down the length of the cabin. They finished fixing the scanners in place and made it back to the station exhausted.

Jeron was keen to see if his plan had worked. The team looked long and hard at the camera image.

With the light gently permeating through the other windows they could see the frozen air sparkle on the inside surfaces of the ship. Unusual rings and hoops hung from the ceiling. The camera did not give them the angle to see the pilot seat or cockpit layout but did give a good view of the inner airlock door. It also revealed what also looked like a bed and lockers.

"How are we with the bioscans?" Tereana asked.

"We can only identify one concentration of biological material. Can't give you a physical description yet as there's some interference from the other materials. The camera shot is in the right direction but I guess the bench thing is blocking our view!" Tolona replied.

"Shall we open the door?" Tereana looked around. She kept her voice carefully controlled against the eager anticipation of getting into the ship.

"That's why we're here!" Walstom replied in his usual dead pan manner. "Sending signal to recovery unit to open outer airlock door."

They watched on the monitors as the robot arms gripped the manual release catches and began to try and turn them.

"Check load pressure on catch!" Walstom requested.

"Load fifty kilo force and increasing." Leord responded. Both men were absorbed in their tasks and the instructions, showing little to no emotion in their voices. Tereana knew this was a natural thing for scientists only to show their feelings after they have succeeded, or when something goes terribly wrong.

"Reverse direction of turn!" Walstom ordered.

"Load fifty five kilo force and increasing." Leord relayed the numbers again.

"Increase load in ten kilo force increments and continue to alternate direction until we see movement!" Walstom responded.

They continued watching in silence as Leord monitored and issued instructions through his console. Suddenly there was movement as the door unstuck from its years of non-use.

********************************************
Tor sat back, it had been a very profitable ten Tazuras since he met with Caran Belign, and he had invested in improving the ships he had. They all now supported at least one twenty five megawatt shield. The reunion with Fenegalas and Bilyzonus in the Seizewell system had proven to be highly entertaining. More for the people around him as his memory did not recall all the events.

He was getting used to his encounters with Caran, the big man was more human and certainly less threatening than when he first met him. From his more recent encounters, he realized, he had never seen the agent do anything more than read documents and give orders. There was the conflict outside the Pirate station but Caran only proved he was a good pilot. Reviewing the published military record Caran appeared to show only a few instances of real individual heroism, and the rest just showed he was a good leader.

Tor speculated that perhaps Caran used his intimidating size and look to subjugate people and bend them to his will. However he was not going to challenge this perception just yet. Only if he asked him to carry out an assignment for something he was not prepared to do.

The docking permission was granted to the Trading station and Sweety guided the ship in.

It took its diverted course into the security section. An agent met Tor and guided him towards the offices. Caran was just stepping out of his office when Tor approached. Some instinct in his gut told him all was not well. Inside he felt the mood of the big man in the few moments of casting his eyes on the expression and counternance of the big man. The tone of Carans' voice was the softened tone of a man with something unpleasant to say or do.

"An unfortunate time to be meeting us Mr Grall. Please take a seat I have some business to attend to but it should only take a brief moment."

Tor was shown to a comfortable armchair, a slight sense of apprehension consuming his senses. Three doors down the corridor were a series of interrogation rooms. Caran stepped up to the door of one and it slid open, he stepped inside. Two agents stepped out, one dropped something in the doorway and quickly he bent down to pick it up.

Tor had been watching out of curiosity, as the door closed there was a distinct crack of something breaking, immediately followed by a terrifying primeval scream of an animal in extreme pain and terror. Suddenly silenced with the closing of the door. The sound had Tor break into an almost immediate cold sweat, every fibre of his body reacted to the most basic of instincts to run and hide. Wide eyed and pale, heart beating fast he glanced at the agents, both of which also appeared unnerved before regaining the stony faced harshness of men doing their duty.

As they walked past the nearest one commented, "Prey you never have to have a private interrogation with Mr Belign!"

All thoughts of dissent vanished in that moment. A medical team arrived and waited.

Ten minutes passed and Caran left the room to go wash his hands. The medics entered the room and began to check the now silent patient.

As the big agent walked back into the room, he commented in the same soft tone he used before, "Let's go to my office!"

Tor followed in silence wondering what his fate was going to be. The door slid open as Caran approached and they both went in. The agent went to a cabinet and opened a door, picking out two glasses he poured himself a large Cole's Fire.

"Drink Mr Grall?"

Tor thought a moment about it being drugged but he needed something to settle his nerves as the brief sound of the scream still echoed around his mind. "Yes, I think I will."

Caran pulled out an ancient container of space fuel and poured a large measure. The hard serious expression remained as he handed over the glass.

"Mr Grall please be seated!"

"I think I'll stand. You know how it is, sitting around all day and all that." Tor was trying to lighten the mood, but somehow knew this was not going to be much of a day for smiling.

"I have some unpleasant news for you Mr Grall and I rather think you'll like to be seated when I give it."

Tor reflected on the softness of the tone and the manner with which it was being given. He sat down.

Caran started, "You are probably aware that from time to time we have incidents of industrial sabotage. It makes owning a station potentially very hazardous due to rivals trying to put the competition out of business or at least damage their reputation and subsequently their profits." Caran paused, a growing sense of dread began to fill Tor. "Two days ago, an act of sabotage was committed on the Cahoona Bakery in Cloud Base North West. Devices were detonated in several areas of the station causing extensive damage and loss of life. Amongst the casualties were your parents."

Tors jaw dropped, he had an acute lack of breath as words failed him. He felt the distinct sting of tears welling in his eyes and a deep despair opening in his mind.

"I'm sorry Tor both your parents were killed. Although it is of little comfort we believe they were killed instantly in the explosions. We delayed announcing it on the news channels until we had an opportunity to inform all the next of kin. You are the last!"

Tor blinked back the tears, his eyes reddened and cleared his throat after knocking back the drink in one hit. "Who?" It was the only word he could manage as he fought to compose himself and show a stronger side.

"That is what I was just finding out!" Caran commented quietly as he took a sip from his drink. His eyes watching Tor.

"And?" Tor glanced up to meet the look.

"We had originally thought it was one of the rival factories in the Three Worlds sector, and although the cartel managing those factories is confirmed as the instigator, the Bloodhearts have now also been linked with the attack." Caran paused to watch Tor's reaction. If it were possible for him to emotionally sink any lower then he managed it.

"They killed my parents!" He muttered.

"They're on to you Tor! The best thing to do for now is distance yourself from the people you know." Caran responded.

"Why my parents?"

Caran sighed. "It's an old trick. When someone moves around a lot and is difficult to trace, then if a relative wants to contact them due to a family crisis they will put out an SOS on the news channels. In the SOS is the name of the pilot and the ships' registration. If the pilot is a target the pirates, or whoever, can plot on carrying out a hit because they know exactly where the person is going to be. It's just a matter of when they arrive."

"And my friends?" Tor asked the mental black hole getting bigger with every word.

Caran did not respond immediately then he spoke slowly, "When they can't get to you through your family, friends become the next target. They're looking to hurt you in every way, so they can to bring you out to where they can get you."

"What do I do?" It was more a plea than a question.

"There are two basic choices open to you. You can run and hide hoping they never find you, even through your friends, or there's Creeds philosophy of meeting the threat head on." Caran took another sip of his drink, "I mention that it's Creeds philosophy as he is a master of making his enemies leave him and his people alone!"

"But I'm not like Creed." Tor looked towards the floor.

"None of us are! The principle is you let them know where you are and when they come to find you it's an encounter made on your terms not theirs. You take the risk and hopefully make them pay badly enough to leave you alone. Eventually when you have the resources and the inclination, you then take the fight to them, to show that you're not afraid!"

Tor simply nodded though his confidence had sunk into the mental pit with the rest of his feelings, "What about Tris?"

"They know where she is and she's not so likely to be drawn into a trap a second time. No they will bide their time where she is concerned." Caran paused, "It is unfortunate that this has come about as I was due to give you a job to transport some supplies to a group of scientists."

Tor looked up briefly not really knowing what to say.

"You need to decide Tor! Will you run or will you stand and fight? I would encourage you not to think about it too long." Caran paused. "The job I have is still open to you, it'll give you time to think but also keep you moving so the Bloodhearts have difficulty finding you. If you agree to the mission and decide to make a stand then I have an approved station deployment for you to place a Cahoona Bakery in the Wall sector. I've also spoken to Creed and he has a dozen screened fighter pilots you can employ."

Caran continued, "You can just take the mission and if afterwards you just want to get away then the reward will be twenty five thousand credits." The big man took a last sip from his glass. "There is no penalty or black mark put against you if you decline the offer. Under the circumstances this is a request not an order or command."

Tor did not fully digest the end of this statement until much later. The money did not matter to him either. The appeal was that, for the moment, he was working and, as Caran had mentioned, it would keep him away from the Bloodhearts and give him extra time to think.

"What about the funeral arrangements?" He asked.

"Already taken care of! For your own safety we will set up a holo feed so you can at least watch the proceedings and in a sense be there." Caran answered.

"Thank you!"

"If you get the need to want to talk to someone about what's going on then call. I'm not the best person for listening to peoples problems and giving advice but I can recommend some very good people!" Caran added as an afterthought. "Normally I'm the problem people go seek advice about!"

Tor glanced up. It was one of Carans lighter comments that just managed to lift the merest hint of a smile on Tors' face.

"I'll take the mission." He responded.

"Good man. Never let them think they have you beaten!" Caran stood up and picked up the container of space fuel, "Shouldn't really do this, but have another drink." He poured the liquid carefully into Tors' glass and added. "This time take a moment to savour the flavour. I'll go over the details."

It was only a short while later and Tor was heading out. This time he would pilot the ship all the way. Sweety maintained a respectful silence, quietly issuing orders to the freighters. Now she was on heightened alert to the potential pirate threat. Any signs of pirate ships in the android controlled transporters and she ordered them into the safety of the nearest station. It slowed down Tor's income dramatically.

The Piranha also flew under a new temporary set of registration numbers until the task was completed. The journey itself took the long way around through the Paranid and Boron sectors to reach Aladna Hill. Reports had filtered through the news channels that the Split were currently less than welcoming to all Boron and Argon ships, traversing the sectors required special permission in advance, consisting of a flight plan and cargo manifest or purpose of visit.

Sweety spoke for the first time in quite a while, "Tor I'm detecting a security breech in the transmission circuits of the Presidents End satellite."

It broke Tors' line of thought. He took another moment to digest the message. "How's that possible."

"Navigational data, indicates a ship near the satellite."

"Damn, can you take the satellite offline?" This was not a problem Tor needed right now.

"Not without giving away our current location!" Sweety replied.

"What about re-routing transmissions so they don't pass through that unit?" He was fishing for options.

"Acknowledged. I will alert surrounding units to a failure in the Presidents End satellite and not to channel information through it." Sweety responded.

"Thanks Sweety. And put on the local news channel. Let see what else is going on out there!" It would be a distraction. He had wanted to be alone for a while after the news of his parents to hide his grief, but now he really felt that he needed to see a friendly face.

Within a few short hours he reached Nopileo's Memorial. Crossing Hatikvah's Faith had proved interesting with several split fighter challenges but no attack. The Python had only recently regained engine power and full shield strength. The engines were running in slow speed whilst system tests were still being checked and structural integrity of the hull monitored.

Ever aware of the presence of pirates he followed the routine laid out by Caran on reaching the Science Station.

"Sweety can you identify the pirate ships?"

"Acknowledged! HUD display updated. I am registering two convoys of Bloodheart freighters and fighters, and there are a small number of Claw Clan registered ships in the sector." Sweety announced.

"Cargo?" Tor enquired. He contemplated attacking out of revenge, but this would just draw attention to himself.

The freighters were in uncontrolled space and made no effort to mask their cargo.

"Spaceweed!" Sweety responded.

It took less than half an hour to reach the co-ordinates that Caran had given him. Sweety check the scanners! Anything in range?"

"Negative." Sweety replied.

Carefully he proceeded forward and as he came around several asteroids he spotted the station. He noted there was no sign of any lasertower.

"Sweety, contact the station, let them know we're here!"

"Station contacted, no reply! Tor I'm detecting no life signs on the station"
Last edited by Mercenary on Fri, 20. Dec 02, 17:44, edited 14 times in total.

Gandalf The White
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Post by Gandalf The White » Mon, 16. Dec 02, 12:15

Excelent stuff Merc, that is really good.

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Post by Al » Mon, 16. Dec 02, 14:14

very good read. Like the detaild descriptive bits as they give depth to the story.

Al

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Post by Adamskini » Mon, 16. Dec 02, 14:31

ITS BUCK RODGERS!!!!!!

has to be!

frozen ship!

hurtling thru space!

he's shock frozen!

\o/ 8)
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Post by Mercenary » Mon, 16. Dec 02, 14:47

:lol: :lol:

Not quite.... :twisted: and he won't be wandering around with that stupid little robot :P

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Post by KiwiNZ » Mon, 16. Dec 02, 15:04

cool read, very intriguing in terms of what may happen later on. Surprised to see them crack the shell so easily but very curious to see what will be next. the handle at the door implies a species that is relatively close to the physical features of the other races.

keep it coming!!

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Post by Adamskini » Mon, 16. Dec 02, 15:13

Mercenary wrote::lol: :lol:

Not quite.... :twisted: and he won't be wandering around with that stupid little robot :P
bitehbitehiteh

what about the laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaadiiieeeeeees though? in the toight spangly uniforms?

/me drolls :shock: :o :shock:
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Post by Mercenary » Mon, 16. Dec 02, 15:38

:D :D

I'll see what I can do...


8)

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Post by SteveMill » Mon, 16. Dec 02, 16:39

Interesting, my money's on buck Rogers too. 8)

Just a couple of typo's spotted, past for passed and decent for dissent.

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Post by Mercenary » Mon, 16. Dec 02, 17:34

Well the second half of the chapters written, and I don't see any mention of Buck anywhere... but then again... nah that would be saying too much :D


Cheers Steve

Typo's corrected...

8)

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Post by Moss » Mon, 16. Dec 02, 17:50

Getting very interesting here Merc a nice build up to whatever is due to
happen here next :)

Good location imagery and character interaction and as always i'm looking forward to more, so keep it coming :wink:

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Post by Mercenary » Tue, 17. Dec 02, 09:35

Part 2 now added...

The break in the time frame is deliberate.... And still no sign of 'Buck' :roll: :D

Might get a little bit emotional in the beginning of the next chapter which, if I don't get too drunk this week, might be out by friday. :wink:


Merc.
8)

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Post by Gandalf The White » Tue, 17. Dec 02, 12:37

Hi Merc,

Very good.

Was reading the story from the start the other day. Ass we all know who agent X is, will the story cover his disapearance and what happens to him?

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Post by Mercenary » Tue, 17. Dec 02, 12:45

I think that story could be a little way off yet as I will probably need to have played X2 so I can get the locations right :wink:


8)

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Post by Adamskini » Tue, 17. Dec 02, 23:43

Mercenary wrote:Part 2 now added...

The break in the time frame is deliberate.... And still no sign of 'Buck' :roll: :D

Might get a little bit emotional in the beginning of the next chapter which, if I don't get too drunk this week, might be out by friday. :wink:


Merc.
8)

woo!

just as they freed Buck, the dastardly pirates struck! but Buck being Buck retrofitted the stabilisers onto the lasertower and blasted away all the pirates then converted the nrg matrix into a wormhole making machine and jumped everybody and the ship to Earth!

u know it makes sense :D
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Post by Moss » Wed, 18. Dec 02, 00:11

Bad news all round in the second part, I guess this will harden Tor up somewhat! and no lifesigns from the science station! I don't recall any shielding for hiding such being installed when it was being built, story getting pretty tense at the moment, can't wait to find out whats going on here.

Great read Merc, cheers.

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Post by Al » Wed, 18. Dec 02, 12:58

just reading through at the moment and seeing as the boss isn't in I can take the time to read it properly. Just noticed one thing:

"If you get the need to want to talk " should be "need or want"?

Good stuff. Cant wait for the next bit. Perhaps the scientists have gone down the pub :)

Al

SteveMill
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Post by SteveMill » Wed, 18. Dec 02, 15:04

Interesting developments and a good ending. Must carp about the following para though.

"It took its diverted course into the security section. An agent met Tor and guided him towards the offices. Caran was just stepping out of his office when Tor approached. He instantly felt the mood of the big man with just a single glance. The tone of his voice was the softened tone of a man with something unpleasant to say or do. "

Feeling moods with a glance doesn't really work to convey what you're trying to say.

Mercenary
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Post by Mercenary » Wed, 18. Dec 02, 18:54

Cheers all,

SteveMill wrote:Interesting developments and a good ending. Must carp about the following para though.

"It took its diverted course into the security section. An agent met Tor and guided him towards the offices. Caran was just stepping out of his office when Tor approached. He instantly felt the mood of the big man with just a single glance. The tone of his voice was the softened tone of a man with something unpleasant to say or do. "

Feeling moods with a glance doesn't really work to convey what you're trying to say.

Cheers Steve, :)

I've been reading a bit on how to interpret body language, so I'll see if there's a way to better describe the stance and facial expression of the agent.

In a way yes you can quickly tell if someone is happy, sad, angry et al just by looking at them. The stronger the emotion the quicker it is to get an impression of their mood. Ommiting the expression of the agent was an attempt to leave the details to the readers imagination.... obviously didn't quite get there :(

Indicates that perhaps I need to explore the expressions and motivations of this character within the story a bit more...

By the way the book you recommended is very good and still reading / referring to it... :D


Merc.
8)

KiwiNZ
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Post by KiwiNZ » Thu, 19. Dec 02, 08:42

Now there is a lot of tension building up!! Cool!

I figured out what it was I noticed in the first part of the chapter already. You have several instances when Tor talks to Caran and the latter one calls Tor 'Mr. Belign' instead of 'Mr. Grall'.

Other than that, excellent stuff and I am certainly looking forward to read more.

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